You know the old saying “You Are What You Eat?”, well, it’s true. Pizza, for example, is a type of food that is very revealing. We can understand a lot about a person by simply finding out what type of pizza they prefer.

Cheese Pizza
You are like a little kid (5-11 year old). Think about it, every time there is a birthday party for kids and pizza is ordered, what type is the pizza? cheese. Little kids aren’t into different tastes and textures. They’re boring, dull, and very picky, that’s why they like cheese pizza. Cheese pizza allows you to satisfy your inner-most desire for the boring, dull, bland life you really like to live.

Pepperoni Pizza
You are a “teeny bopper” (12-17 year old). There’s something mystical about teenagers. As they turn 12, they suddenly realize that their boring, dull cheese pizza is not cool. Pepperoni is where it’s at. Every party, get-together, special event where there’s pizza and teenagers IS GUARANTEED to have pepperoni pizza. Pepperoni pizza gives you the sense that you are cool, unique, above the immature crowd that just likes cheese pizza. Little do you know, however, that there are actually other toppings for pizza. However, because teenagers really AREN’T as mature as they think they are, they settle for just one topping, which is really just a half-step higher than boring cheese.

Supreme Pizza
You are an independent, and loving your new adult freedoms (18-25 year old). When a teenager hits 18 things change. They now have new rights, privileges and and freedoms as official adults. They now realize that there is more to life than high school and school social activities. Pizza, now, also has become liberated for you, and you realize that those other things that Pizza places offer are edible, and with your new freedoms, you liberate yourself from your old pizza prejudices.

Hawaiian Pizza (Ham [or Canadian Bacon] & Pineapple)
You’ve ventured into adulthood and settled in the boring track (26-35 year old). You’ve been an adult for some time now, and realized that your great life you imagined you would have as an adult has turned into “putting the kids to bed, and settling on down on the couch with the spouse to watch reruns of Seinfeld or just catching whatever is on TV [even though there's never really anything]“. You crave excitement, you desperately want some spark to your life. You attempt new things: gym membership, personal trainer, new hobbies, get new friends, learn a language, but all is in vain, you eventually (after about 3 months) give up and settle into your old ways gain. Hawaiian pizza gives you the sense that you are being exotic and different, that you think outside of the box, but in reality, you’re just plain old boring. You maybe put up a front that things are happening, that life is exciting, but in the end, you’ll find yourself dozing off in front of the TV at 9pm.

Specialty Pizzas
You are getting old (35+ year old). You’ve, by now, come to realize that life is short and that you’ve already spent over a third of your life being boring. It’s now or never for you. You venture into the realms of specialty pizzas, the grilled alfredo chicken, barbaque pork, taco pizza, chicago stuffed crust pizza, etc. You have to seize the day because the grim reaper is at the doors. Specialty pizzas is the attempt to finally break away from the boring mold of life. You quickly realize that specialty pizzas, however, chique they may be and may make you appear, are not as good as the pizzas you used to eat in the good old days. From now on you will be ordering seafood pizza, tomato basil & artichoke pizzas  but deep down you think to yourself “man, I would kill right now for a good old slice of pepperoni.” Or you may sneak away from work during lunch time to the food court and order by whispering “slice of cheese, please” to the attendant at the local Sbarro’s.

The next time you are about to order your regular pizza, take a moment and thing about the decision you’re about to make, as it will reveal a lot about you.

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